the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
