yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
