O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
