So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
