Fine. I'll sleep in my office
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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