i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
