dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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