bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
