why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
