Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
