I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize