I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
