Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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