STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
