i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Terrible idea I love it
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Dear god my vagina.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
