Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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