I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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