Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you will always have a special place in my vag
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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