What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
