Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
