Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
