Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize