People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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long story
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weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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