We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
