I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
wow bdsm is so cute
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
