are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
she peed on how many people?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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