oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
