Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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