dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
So much rum. So many feels.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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