I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
