Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
