Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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