if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
