I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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