where am i from again
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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