His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
