If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
