she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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