Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
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He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
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The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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