Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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