On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
