She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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