Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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