haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
