32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
