if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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