Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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