I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
