even my farts smell like vagina
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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