I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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