I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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