brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
