Do vagina's smell?
my being single is dangerous.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
