i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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