I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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