im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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