This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
