Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Randomize
