I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
So squirting runs in the family.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
