I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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