I want to make a zoo with you.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
