I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
