The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
pray to the hookup gods
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
you made out with another girl for some wings
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
