so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
