she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
