like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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