your room smells of hookers.
And success
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
