Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
