I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
