I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
