So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
