how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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