It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
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I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
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Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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