I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
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i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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